Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You've changed since you got that strap on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
