he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
