you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
