So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
