My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
