I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
