I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
