she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
