is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
