he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
