A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
