Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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