but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
