happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
