the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
