tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
