Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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