I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
