She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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