Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
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You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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