I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
