There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just google imaged poop.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
