my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
