Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
