Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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