So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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