Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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