I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
