He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
