Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
