Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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