I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
