I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
