mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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