Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im holly from the hills drunk
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
