It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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