Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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