I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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