I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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