ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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