Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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