I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
