She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
