I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
