Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
