you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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