you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
