White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
