Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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