Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
