never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
