Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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