I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
