If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
