I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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