The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
