I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
