I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
