i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
