its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
