he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
