The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
