is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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