She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
