I got chris browned last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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